The Process

Personal Reflection: Discovering my Voice

For someone who enjoys acting, I struggle to communicate directly with those close to me. Dancing around subjects, conveying specific thoughts through esoteric euphemisms, spending too much trying to find the right emotion that isn’t just “sad” or “angry” or “happy.” Words can never truly describe the labyrinthian emotions that stir within me day-to-day. That’s why art, in all of its forms, serves as the mouthpiece to who I am. This is something that has resonated with me ever since I was 4, and its something that I still struggle with now. Even as I type this entry, I find more comfort with the voice that I created for “Suggestion” than these words meant to convey my personal thoughts.

Characterization: Quiet Power

Suggestion is a terrifying skill to think about. The charmer, the manipulator, the silver-tongued devil; an entity that can see your every wish and desire and use them against you. Personally, I actively disregard this skill in my life because I feel this character is more duplicitious than the actor that is “Drama.” It doesn’t help that in the game,“Suggestion” also has a tendency to lead you into more catastrophic situations if you follow through with its thoughts. I’ve always imagined “Suggestion” to be flirtatious, playful, and innocent whose represented by both male and female vocals. My inspirations stemmed from Makima from Chainsaw Man; a cunning individual whose able to manipulate others with the power of a promise. “Suggestion” is the artificial smile meant to lull you into false security; the whisper that whirls in your head; the Siren’s call that leads you to whitewater.

Sound Design: Splitting the Self

“Suggestion” was my excuse to indulge in Porter Robinson’s Nurture album and explore how he seperates his personal self from his virtual self. The songs “Something Comforting” and “Get Your Wish” are the best references as to the sound I was aiming for. I wanted “Suggestion” to be this attractive force that consoles the listener to feel better, but only through them. It was an idea that resonated from both those songs where there is this poppy melody that “keeps you company until you’re ready.” I wanted this voice to serve that purpose. To explain the entire track, it would be easier to describe it through a scene:

It’s 11:00PM, and you’re out in the meadowlands staring at the sky, protected from a great tree. A soft rain begins to fall, but its gentle and comforting; you can stay here forever. As you continue to gaze at the blackened sky, you realize that you’re out here, alone, with no one to share this banal moment with you. Company would be nice, and so you decide to reminiscice on memories that never existed. A warm meal at the campfire, an unexpected hug that came from behind, the great swell of someone confiding in you. Your daydreams lull you to sleep.

This abstraction was what I wanted to recreate through this voice. A serene moment that can help you to sleep, but they’re more like ghosts rather than experiences. The editing-process does get easier, but I was reaching that point of perfection with this one again, so I’ll have to let this one go for now, and come back better-equipped.

Conclusion: Endure and Persist

As I type this late at night, I’m glad that I’m able to close this one out. Everytime that I manage to share my work, I feel this great sense of relief. I’ve always been very adamant of using social-media and sharing my work with others in general; its that fear of rejection that eats away at us all. I’m my own biggest critic, and the fears that I have lived with all throughout my life have prevented me from discovering my own voice. Disco Elysium, as a CRPG, was one of the rare pieces of media that I have resonated in that when I discovered how your “copotype” determines the type of story that you tell yourself, it was a revelation that I had to reflect upon myself. In that reflection, it gave me the power to challenge these inner criticisms. At the end of the day, I hope to share that same influence that Disco Elysium has imparted on me.

24 May 2024